Why Falling In Love Sucks

For the few millennia that human beings have had language and culture, love has been the most talked about and agonized over subject. We come from wildly differing backgrounds and we all fall in love.


Love causes us to feel and act in ways that are irrational and totally out of character.

We love (there’s that word again) to think of ourselves as rational beings but falling in love proves that we aren’t. It’s intangible, ephemeral and indescribable and causes us to re-question and re-examine ourselves, sometimes painfully.

Love takes us back to a time before we compartmentalized and categorized the world. Love shows us that we’re not so clever after all, we haven’t got the world sussed and that our previous strongly held assumptions can be questioned.

What is falling in love?

Some may say that falling in love is a neurological condition similar to hunger or thirst only more deeply felt. For others it has a religious dimension. It is characterized by heightened senses, extreme mood swings, inability to concentrate and disrupted sleep patterns. It’s intense, absorbing, ecstatic – and, mercifully, brief.

Test have shown that the chemical dopamine is at higher levels in the brain when you’re in love (how did they work that out?) Dopamine is the pleasure/pain chemical. A surge of this chemical can cause feelings of reward.

Taking opioid drugs such as cocaine have a similar effect on dopamine as love. This would explain how everything else suddenly holds little excitement for us when we are not in the presence of the object of our affections.

Falling in love is therefore rarely a pleasant experience – although the falling in love period will contain some episodes of intense euphoria.

Why does it have to hurt?

It might hurt when you stub your toe on the bath, bite your tongue or bang your head, but the pain of separation felt between you and your partner when in love will hurt you to your very soul.

It’ll make you cry. Cry like you’ve never cried before. You’ll experience feelings you’d not experienced before, nor would you want to again.

But as bad as this all is, you’d do it all again if you could.

We all make ourselves vulnerable for love. We get hurt, we vow never to get hurt again. Then we’ll pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and fall in love again. Because we’re human.

To be human is to fall in love.

eve and apple

Animals love simply and unconditionally. But humans fall in and out of love painfully and erratically. Language divided up the world and separated us from ourselves. One of the consequences of this separation – this “fall of man” – is the agony of love.

What you can do

Nothing. You may tell yourself you’ll never fall in love again. You may try to lock yourself away from love. But it’ll find you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

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  1. I fell in love only one time with a girl and I never did it again. I shared many laughable moments with her.
    I told that i love her, she being happy. I purposed her on Valentine,
    But She never replied.
    When we unfriended, neither i saw her nor she saw me.